Beautiful Bones
by Faore
Summary: I had tried to throw up earlier, crouched before the toilet as though it was an altar, kneeling before the porcelain temple, praying to the bone gods. My body convulsed, and I readied myself for the bile to rise up..."


A/N: I'm going to be upfront about this. This story is about an eating disorder. If you're not comfortable with reading literature about mental illnesses, please do not read this story. This chapter is not especially graphic, but other future chapters may incorporate images or situations that some readers may not be comfortable with. The rating may go up later, but for now, I think a PG-13 rating is appropriate. Thank you.  
  
Please enjoy this first chapter. I honestly don't know how long this specific story is going to be, but I plan to continue it after this chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: The Ronin Warriors do not belong to me. But, this story does.  
  
Gingerly, I lifted up the bottom of my sweater, afraid to see what the mirror reflected back at me. Thank God. I could still see my ribs. I leaned back, arching my spine, wanting the ribs to stick out through my skin even more. I twisted around, looking at those beautiful bones from dozens of angles, elated at their presence.  
  
I had tried to throw up earlier, crouched before the toilet as though it was an altar, kneeling before the porcelain temple, praying to the bone gods. My body had convulsed, and I readied myself for the bile to rise up, but I was interrupted. There had been a knock at the door, and I gagged slightly, out of surprise and frustration. I don't know if the person on the other side of the door heard me gag. Ah, the other side of the door. What lay beyond the bathroom? What was out there besides my bones? My mirror? My scale? My laxatives?  
  
Kento's voice had startled me, but thankfully, I don't think he heard me.  
  
"Rowen, you in there?" He asked, his voice boisterous and impatient, as I felt the vomit slide back down my throat, my mouth burning with the remnants of bitter acid.  
  
I coughed, trying to regain composure as I quickly scurried away from the toilet as though Kento could see through the door. Would he be ashamed?  
  
"Yeah, Kento. I'll be out in a minute, 'kay?" I answered, attempting to sound natural. Could he tell? Was it obvious?  
  
Sighing, I stood up slowly, hearing my ankle crack under the strain. The sudden movement caused my vision to blacken for a moment. Instinctively, I reached for the counter in order to support myself. God, I felt so weak. But, I felt sicker than anything else. Why had I eaten that slice of cake?  
  
It was Cye's birthday, after all. I hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. Even on his birthday, he had spent all day in the kitchen, preparing for dinner. The guys tried to persuade him to eat out, but Cye wouldn't hear of it. He merely waved his wooden spoon at them, preaching that there was no birthday meal like a homemade one. Kento had agreed with enthusiastic nods, while Sage and Ryo merely shrugged, admitting that they couldn't convince Cye otherwise.  
  
Cye had presented the cake at the end of the dinner, through which I had tactfully moved my three spoonfuls of salad around on my plate, making it look as though I had actually eaten some of it. The others didn't seem to notice; mostly, they were enveloped in what Kento had dubbed "the best damn food around". Cye immediately served out slices of cake without asking, to which I couldn't protest without attracting attention.  
  
The slice of cake sat there, staring at me. Little demons composed of calories danced in front of my eyes, mimicking the movement of the flames of the birthday candles moments before. I could see them, sneering and grinning.  
  
The chocolate icing was thick and buttery. I practically saw the word "fat" engraved onto its surface. The rest of the cake was filled with chocolate chunks and nuts, both of which made me want to wretch right there and then. Kento was already helping himself to seconds by the time Sage raised his eyebrows and asked, "Hey, Ro, you planning to eat anytime soon?"  
  
My heart began to beat faster. Did Sage know?  
  
"Yeah, man, just admiring the view," I answered, surprised at my humorous answer.  
  
Cye laughed and thanked me before politely scooping up a spoonful of cake and emptying it into his mouth. Dump trucks. They were all dump trucks, load up the food and shove it down without thought. They were on automatic.  
  
I slowly dissected the cake, separating the icing from the chocolate chunks. I scooped the nuts into a pile and sat back to admire my work. The others were still eating their cake, chatting away about a baseball game that they wanted to attend.  
  
Looking down at my plate, I noticed that there was still a large amount of cake on it. I didn't want to hurt Cye's feelings. Slowly, I prodded the mountain of icing I had created. My mind raced. How many calories? 400? 500? I swallowed, my throat dry. I reached for my glass of water, draining it. Empty calories. Empty calories. I shouted at myself. People can live on water for a long time. You know this.  
  
I ended up eating about three teaspoons of icing and one teaspoon of cake. But the time I looked up from my plate, the remaining cake that had been sitting on a plate in the middle of table was gone. Who could possibly eat that much? It disgusted me. I wanted to gag right there at the table, but I waited, mostly for politeness, but also for the fear that the guys would suspect something if I left the table and sprinted towards my place of solace.  
  
Slowly, my vision brightened, and I sighed, relieved, my mind brought back to the bathroom. Out of habit, I circled my thumb and pinkie around my wrist, measuring the flesh around it. Thankfully, my fingers met, and even overlapped each other.  
  
Though I had passed the test- my test, I could feel the cake's fat spreading throughout my body, inflating it. I promised myself that I would only drink green tea the next day. I'd heard that green tea speeds up metabolism, and it's devoid of those nasty calories.  
  
I tugged down the bottom of my sweater and lifted up my pants to sit higher on my hips. They had sunk down while I was leaning over the toilet. Soon, I would need new pants, only a couple of sizes to go. I just wanted to look better. A couple pounds, a few sizes, and that's all.  
  
No big deal. All I had to do was avoid food from now on. I sighed, sitting down next to the toilet. Kento could wait for the bathroom; it was my refuge. No one else could understand.  
  
My stomach growled, a sign of my triumph. I laughed at my body. Ha! You're hungry? Too damn bad! I win. I rested my head on the wall. I could hear my heart, slowly beating- the drum beat of my life.  
  
I unconsciously chewed on my bottom lip, licking the scaly flesh with the tip of my tongue. Everything was so dry. But, I was getting closer to happiness. True happiness. I would know joy soon enough. Just a little while longer. I wouldn't have to tell anyone because they wouldn't understand. I was alone in this, but I cherished solitude. I hugged myself tighter. It was so cold.  
  
A/N: I'm rather pleased with the final draft of the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm currently working on several other stories at this time, but I do hope to have the next chapter out soon.  
  
Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks. 


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